Things to Consider Before Getting Married - Dumb Little Man

I just thought this was interesting. It's pretty fair to say that a lot of couples take marriage not serious enough these days, especially if  they complicate the matter by having kids.

Things to Consider Before Getting Married

After 7 years of marriage I can honestly say that I would do it again. I'd marry the same woman without changing a thing. Well, maybe we would have spent our money a little more conservatively but as far as the the decision on marriage - it was a perfect one (no, I am not saying this because she reads Dumb Little Man!).
Unfortunately, as I consider our acquaintances and their marriages, it's clear that all marriages are not created equal. Cheating and chronic fighting surrounds us and often times we are stuck in the middle as these people come to us for advice.
Here are a handful of things that have become common themes. My assumption is that you've already talked about religion, having kids, sex, etc. If not, you really need to open up the communication.
So before you say "I Do", make sure you have at least considered these:

• Ability to Compromise: There are subtle changes that most people can make in their lives in order to make their spouse happy. This is part of the never ending compromise phase that is critical.
  When single, I'd watch football games at bars every Saturday and Sunday (and sometimes Thursday). Once married, I toned it down to one day. This is a manageable change that I was willing to make. However, had my wife insisted that I give up all sports entirely, I would have resisted and eventually resented her. That resent would have spread and ultimately influenced my overall attitude towards her.
  The same is true for just about everything. The willingness of the other person to compromise today (of the lack thereof) and your reaction to it will prove to be a precedent setting event. If someone is absolutely unwilling to compromise on minor issues, you should expect the same for larger issues. Don't be shocked and appalled by it when it happens three years from now- you knew this going in and you accepted it!
• Money - Yes, we all want it but once we have it who controls it. My wife started direct depositing her paychecks into my account after 3 months of dating. I actually don't recommend that so soon but she was bad with money and she admitted it. For us, it was a matter of getting our credit into shape (we had 640 credit and back then, now its 850 836) and we needed a strategy to pay off college and personal debt.
  Once that debt was paid off and we moved into our house, I turned the finances back over to her after a crash course in on time payments and credit. I never looked back. I enjoyed the strategy part of it but not the day-to-day grind of bill paying. She actually enjoyed it because as a stay at home Mom, it gave her the insight she needed to plan for grocery purchases, clothes for the kids, etc.
  So before you get hitched, what is your plan today and 5 years from now? Who is handling what?
• Who cleans the toilets? - Toilets and the remainder of the housework is a constant issue. It all needs to get done and it's not the most fun. Setup a plan for this in the beginning. My suggestion is a weekly rotation - perhaps you'll come up with something different. The point of this is to set the expectation on both sides so that someone doesn't feel like a housekeeper. Chores need to be shared regardless of the work and income situation. Being a woman doesn't mean the wife has to handle at all.
• The plan: In talking to people, it became pretty apparent that their initial goals were in line but after the kids are born and careers take off, there is a fork in the road. I agree that all plans change and there is no way to write a script for your marriage but a lot of the confusion can be removed by having a 1, 3, 6 and 9 year plan. You should have this conversation now and then revisit it all the time. This does not mean you only review goals at these intervals. These are simply due dates.
  I am often questioned as to why 1,3,6,9.
  • 1 Year Plan: This one is obvious. After the wedding, where will you live, where will you eventually live. Who handles what, what is the combined income, what can we afford etc.
  • At 3 years: You are no longer newlyweds and you are perhaps considering kids. Heck, you may already have a kid at this point. You need a plan for that, a plan for who works, who stays home, what type of daycare, etc. This is also around the time that your first condo or "couple's house" loses it appeal. What kind of house do we want? Where? Can we afford that? How are the schools? What is Plan B if someone gets fired? Do we know what utilities cost?
  • 6 years: We have all heard of the 7 year itch. Therefore, it stands to reason that you have a plan set with a deadline of 6 years. Where do you want the marriage to be in 6 years? Communication habits, sex life, careers...everything. Talk about it now and periodically consider making adjustments based on the the success of your approach. Plans are meant to be changed.
  • 9 years: Again, where do you want to the marriage to be in 9 years? Why? What will life be like? How many kids will we have by then? Are we sending them to public school? What if someone's parent dies?
• Holidays - Just discuss how and where you will celebrate holidays. This is a battle for nearly everyone I know.
• Discipline - Are we spanking the kids, are we talking and coaching or are we doing both? No matter how happy you are now, if you're against physical discipline and your spouse is not, you will slowly learn to resent and dislike him/her each time a spanking is doled out. Discuss it NOW and avoid a surprise.
• Ok, religion - How important is it and how will we teach the kids?
• Communications, cheating - I don't care how many conversations you have, no one will ever openly state that they "may cheat". A key here is to be undoubtedly sure that the precedent is set for open communication. If a wife is not happy, the FIRST action on her part should be to talk to the husband (and vice versa). The only way to do this consistently is to talk; not yell, not argue, but talk like civilized people. If you become enraged every time your spouse tries to talk to you, you are pushing away an opportunity to fix a problem. Take time out and actually LISTEN. Marriage is not an argument or a punishment unless you make it one.

There are clearly a lot of other things to consider. Bad choices are going to made regardless of how thorough you plan; that's life. You wouldn't go on a 1,500 mile road trip without putting some thought into it and your marriage should be thought of in the same way. By planning and talking, the aim is to minimize the possible obstacles by first identifying them and getting them out in the open before they reach a critical, war-type, level.
What do you wish you discussed or planned before tying the knot? Feel free to leave an anonymous comment - perhaps it will help others.

Things to Consider Before Getting Married - Dumb Little Man

The Buffalo Theory

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN:

Some of these seem pretty accurate at the moment with Zac getting up with the pre-daylight savings morning sum :(

Test 1    
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
Leave it there for 9 months.
After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to a local chemist,
tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.
Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline,
lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it.
It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3
To discover how the nights will feels:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static
(or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4.Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6.Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.
LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems:
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
3. Time allowed for this: 5 minutes.

Test 5
Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon.
And don't think that you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining.
Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
2. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6
Get ready to go out
1. Wait
2. Go out the front door
3. Come back in again
4. Go out
5. Come back in again
6. Go out again
7. Walk down the front path
8. Walk back up it
9. Walk down it again
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8
Go to the local supermarket.
Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child.
A full-grown goat is excellent.
If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9  
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
7. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.

Test 10
Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them on clean walls.
4. Cover the stains with crayon.
5. How does that look?

Test 12
Make a recording of someone shouting "Mummy" repeatedly.
Important: no more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy -
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet if required.
Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13
Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt
sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there's a child in the room.

Test 14 
Put on your finest work attire.
Pick a day on which you have an important meeting. Now:
1. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
2. Stir
3. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
6. Do not change, you have no time.
7. Go directly to work.

You are now ready to have kids.

How to conduct an effective meeting

I for one have spent some time in unproductive meetings. The tips here would certainly help me - hope they help you :) MATT

Meetings can prove to be either a positive, fruitful encounter...or a total waste of time. To conduct effective meetings, you need to bring clarity and preparation to the table.

A while ago, I had a meeting with a fellow business owner who I was planning to use on a project I was developing. This person had a high degree of expertise in the area and was aware that I do not.

A meeting was set-up to begin exploration of a working arrangement.

On both sides the set-up was far too casual. I didn't make it clear exactly what I wanted from the meeting and nor did the other party ask any questions prior to us getting together.

The result was a clumsy meeting that only really got started when our time ran out. Neither of us had set the scene for an effective meeting.

Hardly best practices for those of us who want to love our work!

I suspect my potential supplier left feeling that his time hadn't been utilised well, and I was certainly left feeling less than confident in his ability to manage the project I had in mind.

I couldn't help but think, 'Hey, if this person can't manage an effective meeting, what chance does the project stand?'

Harsh? Maybe so, but isn't it likely our prospective clients think like this? In the pursuit of new business and new opportunities we absolutely must take control and manage effective meetings.

Neither of us had taken responsibility for the meeting and the result was an all round waste of time.

In this meeting scenario it comes down to how we set the scene.

Here are some basic set-up tips for an effective meeting:

1. Don't go in without outcomes

Never go to a meeting where the desired outcomes are not clearly understood by all involved. This includes the meetings you call and the ones you are required to attend.

2. Have a meeting with yourself first

Plan the meeting in advance. Think about what you want to say and what you need to learn. Give yourself a basis upon which to measure the success of each encounter as this will help you better prepare for the next.

3. Remember you are in charge of your time

Consider every meeting to be YOUR meeting. Sitting quietly while a meeting drifts out of control does no-one any favours. If you're looking bored and disconnected, you'll be seen as being boring and disconnected. Not a good marketing position!

4. Suggest options

Don't be afraid to challenge what is put in front of you. If a phone call, rather than a face-to-face meeting would suffice - suggest it. If more needs to progress before you'll give up your time - say it.

5. Summarise

At the close of meetings, summarise what's happened and discuss follow-ups and next actions. Don't leave with anything unsaid. Loose ends will bite you.

6. Confirm and confirm again

Always confirm appointments the day before. Leave nothing to chance. The roads, railways and airways are full of miserable business owners returning to base after a futile non-encounter.

Once clients see that you respect your time, they will respect it also. We shouldn't confuse generosity with an absence of boundaries.

And remember, the real risk is that clients and customers will read inefficiencies in one area as a sign of inefficiency in all areas.

Would you happily take skydiving lessons from someone who's missing a shoelace?

---

| http://www.flyingsolo.com.au

 

How to conduct an effective meeting

del.icio.us Tags: meeting tip

Motivation tips: strategies to get motivated

I guess we all have trouble getting up and at 'em some times. I found this quite interesting and relevant to me - unfortunately

Every soloist has found themselves staring blankly at their computer screen, unable to get motivated. Here are some simple motivation tips to get you back on track, without wasting any more time.

Psychologists refer to motivation as the initiation, direction, intensity and persistence of behaviour. Self-help gurus refer to it as the key to success. Whatever your point of view, motivation is a necessary part of every day when you work for yourself.

For everyone, there are times where it just doesn’t seem to exist. Whether you are low on motivation for a day, or it’s becoming a long-term problem, the good news is you can get out of the rut.

But if you stay in the rut too long, it turns into a cycle of guilt, frustration and self-doubt. You feel frustrated that you’re not getting work done and guilty that you’re not being productive. At the end of the day, if you’re not careful, you will also be letting your clients down as well.

Here are five motivation tips to rejuvenate, inspire and help get you off your butt and back to work. They may seem overly simple or obvious, but often it’s the easy solution which aids the most.

1. Get out!

Take a break. Go for a walk around the block or grab a notebook and go to a café or park bench. Look for happiness and beauty around you: children playing, the sun shining or the rhythm of falling rain. Be inspired and enjoy the break without feeling guilty. Have faith that when you get back to your desk you will be mentally ready to get back to work.

2. Read

Learning is a key element of motivation, whether you are setting out a goal for the day or a major goal that affects your entire life. Subscribe to industry journals to keep up to date on what’s going on in your field. Read a newspaper or magazine article. Clip articles that offer ideas and inspiration for your work and keep them in a folder. That way you can refer back to them when you’re looking for a new project.

You can also learn from the success of others. Is there anyone in particular you admire? Search for articles and books about them. Ask yourself why you admire them and what makes them more effective than others in their field. Learn from their success and integrate it into your own strategy.

3. Write down a plan

Set aside 30 minutes at the end of each day to review what you’ve accomplished and plan for tomorrow. This is also your chance to write down your goals for the day, month and year. Set deadlines for each goal and stick to them. Write them down where they serve as a constant reminder: on the screensaver of your computer or a bulletin board in front of your desk. When you right down your goals you make them tangible, not mere whims floating around in your head.

4. Phone a friend

Yes, it’s a lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, but it’s one for you as well. Preferably call a colleague that understands your business. This could mean hunting down an old work pal. Effectively you're networking without thinking about it. Go to industry events, get yourself out there. Share your excitement about a goal with others; it makes it more achievable. Then you can celebrate together over a drink or a meal when you’ve completed your goal.

5. Reward yourself

Set rewards for when you achieve a goal. The rewards should fit the task. A daily goal could be rewarded with a trip to the local café while a major goal could be rewarded by a holiday. If your problem is procrastinating on a specific task, seeing something waiting for you when you finish it could be all you need to get going.

Hopefully these five steps will help get you back on track, and help you to get motivated and feel confident and inspired. But at the end of the day don’t forget to look at the big picture. Are you doing what you love? Are you just having a bad day or is your lack of motivation affecting other aspects of your life? If the problem isn’t an easy one to fix, you may need to analyse yourself, your business and why you’re doing it.

---

| http://www.flyingsolo.com.au

Motivation tips: strategies to get motivated